He was my Jacob!
He really was. He was that guy whom I thought to be more as a friend to me, but still loved him in that special way.
Always so active, so joyful, he always had to do something!
When he smiled he seemed more peaceful, more serene like he was an innocent child, like he was giving you the whole world.
He ate a lot, slept a lot, no doubt he was a pure Jacob.
He was as stubborn as hell.
When I made the mistake to get him out of my life, he wouldn't answer to any of my messages or phone calls, he'd make me cry and be in pain for days, because no one could take his place.
He was the air, the sun, he was healthy for me and I knew it. I needed him in my life.
He was not like a drug to me, yet he was still so irreplaceable.
I couldn't realize it then.
I was so busy looking for an Edward.
It's like, I knew he was the right guy for me, I still know it. I had a pretty good time with him, he was always so crazy, so playful, I was glad to be with him.
But maybe this simple, yet overwhelming feeling, scared me to death.
I was afraid to be happy.
Afraid to get what I deserved.
Afraid to be next to a man who loved me so deeply and purely.
Afraid to set myself free.
Afraid to feel, to create a new world.
I was so absorbed in my seriousness. Maybe I couldn't accept a normal life.
I've always wanted to be in the process of doing something,in the process of searching for that special like he would have made me happier than I was.
Now, I made my choices. I live with the consequences. It was him, my Jacob, but he'll just be a Jacob. Not that this is not enough. It's just not enough for me to fall for him.
I am wandering in my own world, in my own thoughts, yet I still remember my Jacob to this day.
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, so I'm not giving in, not today, not tomorrow, NEVER.
I know what I want!